Charm School

To be a hostess one must absolutely secrete elegance, be graceful, articulate and demurely accessorized, save for one garish piece that you picked up, say, in Africa. She should be able to select a wine and signature cocktail appropriate to the season and event. She should be equally astute at crafting a balanced cheese board and delegating responsibility to caterers and servers. Dancing, and more importantly, encouraging one's more timorous guests to dance is a highly valuable skill. Knowledge of flowers, stationary, and china is requisite. A quick wit, to highlight one's limited (not nonexistent) familiarity with myriad interesting topics (no religion! no politics!) will keep conversation as light and ephemeral as a pixie's summer couplings. Do not suffer bores or drunks; they must be deftly ignored until they remove themselves of their own volition. One's husband ought to be handsomely attired, gracious, but terse, so that one might say of him "Oh, _______ isn't really one for parties!" and benignly chasten his pragmatic preference for solitude. Children should be be dressed as absolute angels, make an adorable appearance within the first hour and then be sent with nanny scampering off to bed and better times in Sleepy Shire. A hostess must practice a smile that says "Welcome All, to this magical evening" and one that says "Goodnight". She is actress, director, and producer of the most marvelous height of human society: a soiree that makes one forget, for a time, impending, indiscriminate death.